8) Heartbreak 7) Drink of the Gods
There will be my love tomorrow, 'cause your love's here today.
Its richness fertilizes me, a quenching in the rain.
It washes clean all my doubts and drowns out all I fear.
Fermented juice of the golden grapes reflects our love so clear.
You've got to let your roots sink into the soil.
You've got to let your branches soar into the sky.
You've got to let your leaves shimmer in the sunshine
and dance, in your mind
and dance, 'til you shine
and dance, drunk on golden wine.
Malcolm Mohil
"Golden Wine"
They both took some time to think about all these ideas. Malcolm finished his second glass of wine. He was feeling nice and warm. He looked at Becky and was filled with compassion. Though he was never involved with the church, he knew what it was like to lose a lover.
Malcolm believed in God, though his God wasn't the Christian God. His God was everywhere, was everything; God was life and nature. His God had no gender. His God didn't judge, good or evil. His God created him. Gave him consciousness, awareness and strength. He was a part of God. God was part of him. He felt God everywhere if he chose to be aware of God's presence. He felt even sorrier for Becky. If he lost his God, he would be devastated.
His chest began to burn. He had never felt such an intense feeling like this before. He felt a tremendous amount of love for this person who sat before him.
He wondered if it was the wine. Maybe Becky was right and the alcohol naturally lowered inhibitions, letting emotions express easier. Maybe he was right and when he consumed the wine, he embodied the ideals of Jesus. Maybe this is how Jesus felt about everybody: tremendous love and compassion.
He wanted to hold her, to caress her and to kiss her. Did Jesus feel this way, too? He was a man, after all. Surely he felt sexual arousal, as well.
He wondered if Jesus ever had sex. Was Jesus still a virgin, like his mother when she conceived him? He remembered the story of Jesus and Mary Magdalene, the prostitute who he redeemed. Malcolm remembered the theories he read stating Mary was Jesus' lover. Perhaps, then, this is how Jesus felt toward Mary.
Malcolm wanted to make love with Becky. He was tempted to reach out his hand and touch her face softly. She was looking at him, staring into his eyes. He wanted so much to be closer. He could hear her breath and imagined it right in his ear. He could feel her every movement as if she laid upon him. He sensed an incredible electrical energy between them. His whole body was filled with it. He became very tense, not knowing what to do. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable. On the contrary, he wanted to make her as comfortable as he could. He wanted to shower her with love and affection.
"Malcolm, you look sort of nervous. What are you thinking?" Becky asked.
He didn't want to lie to her but to lie with her. He wanted to tell her what he was feeling. He hoped she felt it, too. He thought she would understand, though he feared she would probably decide to leave. Then Malcolm would be alone, wishing he wasn't so honest.
He decided to wait. He focused on calming his mind down. He took a few deep breaths and opened his mouth to speak. He was interrupted by the ringing telephone. Malcolm was suddenly relieved.