16) Reaching Out 15) One With the World
The 1900's are history, now 2000's here.
We have a chance to bring it back, what we once saw so clear.
Living simply off the land, building dreams with our bare hands,
sharing skills with neighborhoods, not fearing distant sands.
Malcolm Mohil
"Y2, OK!"
Malcolm and Becky began to explore some things that might be a service to others. They could volunteer at the local homeless shelter. They could volunteer for an environmental organization. They could clean up the local stream filled with their town's debris. All of these sounded like good ideas.
They decided, though, they wanted to mentor children who didn't have a support structure in their lives. They checked with the local school district and found the mentoring program was always looking for volunteers. There were children in all elementary and middle school grades who could use an inspiring role model.
The following week, they attended a mandatory introductory meeting. There were 10 other interested volunteers there, ranging in age from 18 to 63 years old. They learned about the program and its success in giving troubled children positive role models.
The organizers said studies showed troubled children who had a mentor, someone they could trust and befriend, improved academically as well as socially. The theory was with a role model in their lives, the children learned assets such as respect, compassion and patience, which improved their self-image and relationships with the world. In a sense, the children learned to love themselves and the world around them.
Malcolm and Becky were a bit nervous maybe they wouldn't know how to cope with a child extremely troubled or they and their mentee wouldn't relate to each other well. They also were scared they were expecting too much, that they wouldn't really have much of an impact on the child and were thus wasting their time. Mostly, though, they were excited to meet and befriend these children and help them understand themselves a little better.
They completed their applications and were assigned their prospective mentees a few days later. Malcolm set up a time to meet the boy who was to be his mentee. He went to the school the boy attended to introduce himself and hopefully begin a special friendship.
The boy was a 4th grader named Jack whose father had died a year earlier. Jack slid into depression after his father's death and fell behind in school. He ended up staying back a grade and thus was the oldest and biggest child in his class.
Jack became very angry because he felt his dad had abandoned him. He was taking his anger out on the other children in his class. He became aggressive, bullying his smaller classmates. He liked intimidating the others, even though he had no friends because of it.
Malcolm knew all this and was a little intimidated. He remembered being picked on in 3rd grade by a boy whose parents recently were divorced, so he could relate to the situation. Only now, in some way he was helping the boy who picked on him instead of being chased around.
He met Jack and was surprised at how small and shy he was. Jack could barely look Malcolm in the eyes. They had some small talk, Malcolm trying to connect with Jack.
Malcolm realized Jack was a scared little boy and the only way Jack couldn't be scared was to act tough with kids who were smaller than he was. This made Malcolm feel very sorry for Jack. He felt compassion burn in his chest and wished he could help this child let go of his hurt. Malcolm knew he couldn't feel what it would be like to lose his father as this child did, but nonetheless he felt a tremendous amount of empathy towards Jack.
The first meeting with Jack wasn't spectacular. He didn't seem very excited to spend time with Malcolm. Malcolm realized it was going to take time to develop a rapport with him. Malcolm stayed confident he could help the boy. Malcolm knew Jack's heartbreak would keep him from wanting to open up right away.
They continued meeting once a week for an hour, slowly developing a friendship. They would play games, draw, study or just talk. Jack began to trust Malcolm and became comfortable enough to open up. He started to share more of himself, offering insight into the confused turmoil in his head.
Malcolm didn't realize how complex Jack's life was until this began to happen. Malcolm wondered if he was doing the right thing. He felt he was getting over his head in another person's emotional crises. He realized, though, if he truly wanted to help another, he was going to have to connect with that person deep enough to feel the pain that person felt. Only when he really knew what it was like to be the other person could he offer any meaningful direction. Otherwise, anything he said might be misinterpreted or be meaningless.
One day, during a meeting between the two, Jack was extremely irritable. This was unusual because at all the other meetings, he had been positive. He had a lot of respect for Malcolm and was always on his best behavior. This time, though, Jack was being rude and continued to get angry towards Malcolm.
"I know you're gonna go away and leave me!" Jack yelled. "You don't care about me and don't want to see me again! But I don't care 'cause I never liked you anyways!"
"Jack, why are you saying this? Do you really think I would take the time to be your friend if I didn't care about you or like you?"
"You only come here because you're part of a program. You have to come and spend an hour a week with me. If you really liked me, you would spend more time with me, not just an hour a week in school. You would take me to baseball games or to movies or something, but you don't because you don't care I don't have any friends!" Jack yelled again.
"Believe me, there are lots of other things I could be doing, but I'm choosing to come here and spend time with you. I know it's not a lot of time, but I am busy. I have other responsibilities. My time with you is my fun time, the time where I can forget my responsibilities and be with a friend. I wish I could spend more time with you, but I can't, Jack.
"It hurts me you think I don't care about you and you don't like me. I want to be your friend, but you shouldn't treat friends like that. It's not nice. It's not a way to make friends.
"Maybe you should be nicer to your classmates. If you were, they would like you and you would have friends. If you continue to be mean to them, they're going to be scared of you and they won't want to be your friend.
"I think you should be nicer to them. Just try it at least. Try to be nice to them. I'm sure you'll find they'll like you and then you'll have friends to play baseball with or go to the movies with. I'm telling you this, Jack, because I care about you and I don't want to see you hurt."
Jack was crying because he knew it was true, but he couldn't help being angry.
"Jack, I know why you]re angry. I know why you’re upset. I know it's painful to lose someone you love. Nothing hurts more than to not be able to see and talk with someone you love. I've been there before and I've felt the anger and confusion you’re living with.
"Your dad didn't leave you because he didn't care about you. He didn't leave because he didn't like you. You must realize you were the most special person in his life.
"I wish I could tell you people don't die. I wish I could tell you you’ll never lose someone you love, but I can't. That’s life and something we have to learn to accept. It isn't easy, but if you don't, you’re going to live in misery and that's not worth it.
“We're creatures that live in a body that doesn't last forever. We can't stop that right now, but we can stop the misery we feel. We can stop the anger. We can stop hurting other people. We can start being friendly. We can start helping other people. We can start to feel good. We can do it now. It's up to you.
"No one can make you feel better, Jack. No one can tell you to be mean or nice. You are the most powerful person in your life because you can control your emotions and your behaviors. You can control how you act towards other people. You can control how you treat yourself. I tell you, though, it's a lot easier to live in a world that can be painful if you understand ultimately how you feel is up to you. And it's easier when you're nice. Does that make sense, Jack?
They both had tears in their eyes. Jack was rocking back and forth as if he were fighting being angry, releasing it in the most nonviolent way he could.
"Why did he leave me? Why did he leave me alone? I miss him so much! I just want to play catch with him or to chase him around."
"I know."
Malcolm felt so sorry for Jack. He wanted to be able to comfort him. He wanted to reassure him it was going to be alright, but there was still too much grief Jack had to let out. Any more words were useless.
The boy was crying out for his father. Malcolm was tempted to increase his role with Jack by spending more time with him. That was all Jack needed, someone to be there for him more consistently.
Malcolm decided he would talk with Jack's mother to see if he and Jack could spend more time together. He knew if she agreed he would have a lot more responsibility. He believed, though, it would help Jack more than it would hurt Malcolm. In fact, he suspected it would help both of them. For by helping Jack, he would be helping himself psychologically knowing he was helping a boy cope with his past trauma, and maybe even spiritually if his theory about resonance, love, karma and Universal Collective Connectedness were true.
Malcolm called up Jack's mother that evening. She answered the phone in a sad voice.
"Carla? This is Malcolm. I'm calling because I wanted to talk about Jack with you."
"I'm sorry he was in a bad mood today. We've both been feeling hurt this last week. I'm afraid I set him off.
"My husband died exactly a year ago last Saturday. I've been having emotional relapses that’s affected Jack. This morning I yelled at him for no reason. I feel so bad I couldn't control my temper. It looks like I created a monster in him.”
"I'm sorry, too. I understand things are difficult. I wish I could help. In fact, maybe I can. I've been thinking about spending more time with Jack, maybe getting together on the weekends for a while. It would give us more time to do something he’d appreciate."
"You’d do that, Malcolm? I can't express enough how much that means to me and to Jack," she said, crying.
Tears welled in Malcolm’s eyes. He replied, "I’m glad. Maybe we could do something this weekend. I was hoping to take him to the beach."
"He loves the ocean! He and his dad would go there quite a bit. He hasn't been there since before Charley died."
"Then how about I pick him up around 11 this Saturday morning?"
"That would be great! I'll tell him as soon as I get off the phone. He's going to be so excited!"
"Could I tell him myself? I'd like to talk with him," Malcolm asked.
"Yes, of course, let me get him"
She went to tell Jack he had a friend on the phone. Jack was incredulous. He never received phone calls from friends. He ran to the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hi Jack! This is Malcolm. How's it going?"
"Hi, Malcolm!" Jack said, noticeably surprised and excited. "It's going good now. I can't believe you're calling me!"
"Well, I wanted to see if you had any plans this Saturday?"
Malcolm could hear Jack yelling to his mom, asking if he had any plans.
"No, I don't have anything to do Saturday. Why?"
“I’m hoping you want to go with me to the beach. It's supposed to be nice this weekend."
Jack's heart was pounding. "I would love it! I haven't been in a while. Oh my God, I'm so excited! Can we go early? I can get up around 7 if you want. Way more exciting than school!"
"Actually, I was thinking of picking you up around 11, but I don't see why we can't go earlier. Can you be ready by 9?"
"Yes! Wow, my mom's not gonna believe this!"
"I'm glad you're as excited as I am, Jack. Then I'll see you around 9 in a couple days.”
“I can’t waitt! I'll see you then!"
"Good-bye, Jack."
"Good-bye, friend!"
The next couple of days were very exciting for Malcolm. He felt really good about befriending Jack, his relationship with Becky was going great and the end of the spring semester was approaching.
Malcolm and Becky were talking about their adventures with their mentees. Becky's relationship with Melody, her mentee, wasn't quite as dramatic as Malcolm's with Jack, but she was still enjoying her time together with Melody. Melody had requested a mentor herself, unlike Jack who was recommended to receive a mentor by his school counselor.
Melody was more sociable and had friends. Her main problem was a handicap she had developed a few years prior. She had an accident where she lost her left hand. Melody, however, was very adaptable and almost made it seem as if she had two hands. She never complained about it and always tried to do things for herself.
Becky was proud of Malcolm for taking a bigger role in Jack's life. She wondered if she would do the same. She wasn't sure she had the patience to do that.
"I bet you would if you met him. It's different once you develop a bond with someone. I feel like I'm his brother. It's weird."
"Well, I'm still impressed, Malcolm. You're a good guy for doing this."
"Maybe you'll meet him someday and you'll know what I mean. Don't you think you’d spend more time with Melody if she asked you?"
"I don't know. I don't think I'm as close to her as you are with Jack. I don't feel obligated to spend time with her because she has other friends."
"I was thinking maybe you would. Maybe all four of us could do something together? It would give Jack a chance to socialize with someone his own age. Melody is so nice. She would be a great example for Jack."
"Hmmm, maybe. I'll think about it. I'd have to ask her parents. They might not want me to do something outside of school with her."
"You never know until you ask."
"True."